How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
