I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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