At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
