You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
