just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
