and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
