wat bout pragnant strippers??
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
