So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
