Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize