My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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