So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
