um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
