My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
