She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
