Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
