Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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