he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
