with your own penis?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
