I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
