Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize