Welp...herpes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
