I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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