I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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