Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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