so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
