All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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