She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
