If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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