If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
please don't ironically join a cult
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