The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
honey bunches of taint.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
