He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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