just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
