it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
