You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Less talking, more tequila
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
