i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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