Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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