I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
