The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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