that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
