In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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