but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
