we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude i'm inner monologue high
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
