Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
