for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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