there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
