Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
