A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
