hotel room ftw
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
