I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
