I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize