She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
