I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
