Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
