WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
