Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
