Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize