while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
