$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
