I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
