office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
