I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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