I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
